The Communication of it All!
Did you ever explain something in detail to someone and they looked back at you with a blank look that made you wonder if there was a thick invisible glass wall between you? Right there is where miscommunication happens because the person standing in front of you is going to turn around and repeat what he or she thought you said to another person. If it was instructions of how to do something, mark my words, the person to whom that explanation was repeated to, did it wrong or not at all. These types of scenarios happen every day because good sound communication is the least mastered skill in our society today.
I Looked Right at it, But Didn’t See it
This morning when I arrived at the Model Home that I was tending to while the regular Sales Associate was out, I read her directions as to where the key was for the inventory homes in case a potential homebuyer wanted to tour them. My instructions said the key was in the same cabinet as the printer. Also, the keys for the two offices were in a bucket in the upper cabinets in the laundry room on the left.
I walked through that laundry room at least three times and looked at the upper cabinets each time but did not see any bucket. The center of the cabinet doors were plexi-glass but I looked no further because I didn’t see what I was looking for — a square rubber tub, bucket. I found the cabinet with the printer but there was no key.
Finally, I texted the Sales Associate and she said this. “It’s in the laundry room in a bucket.” Oh, my goodness, I said to myself we’re back to the laundry room! She continued, “A bucket labeled number one, in the first upper cabinet to the left.” Really? “We’re back to the bucket”, I muttered under my breath. I walked back to that laundry room where I had gone back and forth through a half dozen times by now, all ready to prove her wrong.
I looked to the left and immediately saw a metal decorative mini bucket with the handle and everything. What went wrong? I was looking for what I thought my directions said and had an image so formed in my mind of what it would look like that, I never saw the bucket.
Nine Times Out of Twelve
When someone repeats to another person what you said to them, nine times out of twelve, they repeated what they thought you said. Then the job does not get done or it gets done incorrectly or an unfortunate ill-will forms between the parties simply because someone miscommunicated — not on purpose but for lack of attention to exactly what was said to them.
We’ve heard said that we only can change ourselves and that is true, but we do have the power to communication with greater effectiveness so a larger majority of those we talk to, have a higher chance of REALLY understanding. We can tell if the person we are talking to understands more exactly what we say if we hear how they repeated it to the next person. Our goal, since we only have control over ourselves, should be to develop a way of speaking that is:
#1 — clear
#2 — simple English
#3 — strong verbs
These are three points that you can use when simply having a conversation with a friend but you want them to understand you. Sometimes we get in a hurry and just let words flow without genuinely putting any thought into how someone may take what we say. That will get us in trouble every time.
Repeat Back to Me
If you are giving directions in a workplace environment or in classroom situation and also if you are having problems in marriage communication, there is a technique to use which will better assure you that your words will not be twisted. Simply say, “What did you hear me say just now?” Just like the story I told at the beginning, I looked at the infamous bucket probably at least 4 to 5 times but did not connect it to the instructions I’d read multiple times.
When the individual has to repeat to you what he or she thought you said, you will, no doubt more clearly understands how your words are misinterpreted. So that is a learning experience for you as well. Never let the listener put false words in the word bubble over your head. For this reason, continually attempt to clarify your words and your sentences into effective communication.
The Tone of Your Conversation
No matter what you have to say, it is better received, if it is said in a complimentary but strong manner. If you talk down to any recipient of your words, the recipient will not listen effectively and the result of that is miscommunication. But if you speak with appreciation, concern for their well-being and a spirit of feedback wanted, you will have better listeners.
Good listening starts with you, the speaker. I substitute teach at the local high school and have seen this poster at the entrance of some classrooms. “Check your attitude before entering.” The same matters with planning conversations with others. “Check your tone before entering into any conversation.”
Just you speaking more loudly, does not mean that you will be better understood. Speaking firmly does not mean that you have to yell. Speaking with authority does not mean you are screaming at someone, a group or your spouse. Speaking with strength means you believe in what you are saying and the point that you are trying to get across to another is important.
Words are What You Make Them
Words are unbelievably powerful. They can break spirits, or they can lift someone up to believe in themselves once again. Words spoken like a word “soup & salad bar” will land flat and your message will be lost in the “broth” even though it was an important one. Today, be the conveyor of hope and belief in how you speak and communicate ideas. Transfer the “let’s get’r done attitude” to your audience. Let the person or persons standing in front of you know that you have confidence in them.
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